Marriage on the Road

We have been asked a lot recently, "how's married life on the road?"  So I thought I'd share some of my personal insights on this topic. When we were preparing for our journey, I often wondered what life would be like spending every single minute of the next year with Terry?  I LOVE him to pieces but come on...is any relationship or marriage built for 24/7/365???  Well, we are now 6 months in and this is what I can share:

The big thing to understand is that traveling with your spouse is not the same as doing the every day work/family/home life with them.  You are both in unfamilar territory which results in you constantly seeking comfort and support from each other when completing simple everyday tasks like trying to find your hotel, communicating in a foriegn language, finding & identifying food options, etc.  This means a few things: REALLY understanding and managing your emotions, communicating more and in a different way than you would when at home, and creating a good attitude to be supportive of each other, especially when it may not be your own desire or interest.

/

EMOTIONS!!  Okay this is a big thing that you personally have to get your head around and manage...and yes it affects both myself and Terry equally (this is not just a female issue).  We both have had our share of up and down days.  However, since there is little alone time (AKA no alone time) we've learned that emotions are a "reaction" and they need to be interpreted quickly and managed.  We've learned to identify when we are not at our best and to communicate that to the other person right away.  Sometimes just the act of talking helps us out of our funk but if not, the other person is now aware of our present state and tries to take the lead on making decisions and giving the other person time to decompress.  When we are off the mark, making decisions and focusing mentally seems to compound the negative mood.  An example of this became evident just recently.  We have been in Vietnam for 2 months now so you would think that we would be quite comfortable and assimulated with the local life.  However, we recently traveled to a new town called Da Lat after spending a month by the beach and we both recognized the increased anxiety we felt getting there and also during the first couple of days in the new environment (i.e. strong emotional reactions to minor issues). Terry is a big picture guy and reacts by focusing on our/my safety and my comfort (which is really sweet but sometimes too much).  For me, I'm much more detailed, trying to take it ALL in and I quickly get overwhelmed.  

Our anxieties create tension so managing this is sooooo important.  This sometimes means spontaneousely scheduling "down time." Traveling is constant stimuli and taking time to relax and rest is extremely important.  That's the bonus of long term travel, you often have the luxury of time and the option to revise your schedule accordingly.

Communication. Well honestly, we just do more of it.  Often we only have each other to converse with so we're sharing more.  We share more of our emotions, dreams, fears, insights and silliness.  We do wonder if this "travel" isolation will cause us to be withdrawn and less social once we're home but we're hopeful it will have a positive impact.

Supporting your spouse and their interests even when you're not that excited about it is also important.  Terry has always been one to embrace trying new things, be it foods or activities and to be honest this has sometimes been a challenge for me.  With food, Terry is so comfortable with strange new tastes, smells, presentations, and the cleanliness of questionable cooking styles.  I know this is a big part of his passion to travel and to have him surpress this curiousity for my comfort would take so much away from his experience.  So I suck it up and go in with a good attitude 90% of the time and for the 10% of the time I'm not all in, he understands and accommodates with some famililar food options.  The funny thing is, his interest has allowed me to cautiously expand my culinary tastes and take part in activities that I never would have considered doing before (but now love).  This mutual "all in" support has helped us both push the boundaries of our comfort zone.

So far, I think it's been the experience of sharing the new, the unfamilar, and the challenging that has taught us more about each other and our relationship as a couple.  We're not ready to kill each other yet...so we'll try our luck for another 6 months.

-Rhonda

Mui Ne

After our brief stay in HCMC, we caught a train to a small, windy, beachside town called Ham Tien just east of the well known fishing village of Mui Ne ("moo-ee-nay" but say the first 2 syllables fast).  Here we booked ourselves into a small, family run, cottage style hotel for a few days (also an AirBnB).  At this point into our trip we had gotten comfortable enough to simply book short stays in order to "feel out" the area before committing to a longer duration (yay...we see this as progress towards being more confident travelers).

Mui Ne

This also worked out well for us, as Ham Tien was just too small for us to spend a month. Despite us wanting to do some surfing and it being a major kite boarding and surfing spot, it just didn't offer enough of the daily amenities we've come to seek out in a temporary "home."  With only 15k people, this area is a resort destination first and a town second.  Attracting both local Vietnamese and Russian citizens, it's a quiet beach getaway for those weary of the big cities and cold winters.  To highlight the size of Ham Tien, there is just one road that runs the length of the town and the below picture is the local gas "station." The larger city of Phan Thiet is a 15-20 minute drive away.

Local gas "station"

The town had its own quirky tourist style and when first explored, we were confused when sourcing out potential food options.  Even though the restuarant signs said they were open, there were no people, no lights, no staff, no customers, chairs on tables...but the doors were wide open. It turned out that the restaurants were open, you just go in, say hi, pull down a chair, and the staff materialize from some dark corner to fire things up.  As it turns out, most of the customers/tourists spend the daytime on their resorts and only come out for dinner. That's when things start to look and feel like what you'd expect of a tourist town.

Beyond the surf, the Mui Ne area is also known for its roving red and white sand dunes. Located 20 and 40 minutes out of town, these dunes took you out of the lush ocean side and right into the desert. This was the first time for both of us to be at sand dunes and it was a surreal experience, something right out of the movies or a National Geographic shoot. We weren't sure what to expect but you sometimes hear people describe the desert as beautiful, peaceful, picturesque, and we would have to agree. Although the dunes didn't exactly reach as far as the eye could see, you certainly got a sense of their majestic nature. Like being in the middle of the ocean or a major lake. Alive and just gorgeously natural.

Letting out the inner child, Terry rolling down the sand dune.

He emerged with sand in every possible crevice!!

Woohoo...alone & being silly!

-Terry & Rhonda

Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon)

After a week in Siem Reap, we headed back south to Phnom Penh where we stayed overnight in order to catch the coach bus to Ho Chi Minh City (commonly referred to as Saigon, it's "pre-civil war" name). It was a pleasant early morning ride across the countryside that took about 7 hours (including rest stops).

Check out the rear view mirror - bus driver + travel pillow???

Border crossings are always interesting as you immediately intake the visual differences between neighbouring countries/states. Upon crossing into Vietnam the first thing that stood out was its cleanliness, then the signage turned into written characters we recognized (Vietnamese uses the Latin/Roman alphabet, as English does), and the buildings/landscape were significantly more orderly and well-kept. To give you an idea of how contrasting the countries are, when we came across a "proper" sidewalk that was unobstructed, contained no signs of garbage and used for the sole purpose of separating vehical traffic and pedestrians, we actually took a picture of it and felt a sense of ease and familiar comfort. The cleanliness that Vietnam has offered so far has made the experience significantly more enjoyable and we are thankful for the "break."

A real sidewalk!!!

So with that said, we arrived at the economic capital of Vietnam, home to over 8 million people, and everything that comes with the hustle and bustle of a major urban centre.

View of HCMC from our balcony

Traffic increased and we immediately noticed that women tended to cover themselves up completely from the sun with wrap-around riding skirts, head coverings, gloves and sweaters and at least 3/4 of the motorbike riders wore masks! The exhaust fumes were very evident and we appreciated their need of the masks although we weren't sure of their effectiveness.

Ho Chi Minh City (HCMC) is a fairly spread out city.  There were several downtown attractions within walking distance of one another but you needed to utilize motorized transportation to get around any further (there is no skytrain/LRT system). Every website we read advised against renting a motorbike in HCMC unless you were already familiar with navigating the "rules of the street" and even though there were street lights, which drivers adhered to, the rules are still significantly different than in North America. So for us non-bikers there was Uber, the somewhat controversial car-sharing company, which has a strong presence in HCMC. In comparison to the local cabbies, Uber simply provided a much better experience with more competitive pricing.  During our time there, we were taken "the long way around" by both a cabbie and an Uber driver (google maps helps keep people honest) however, when we responded negatively to the Uber review we were given an appropriate credit back.  This was not possible with the cabby.

HCMC is a beautiful contrast of old & new.  It has been able to retain some of the old French colonial architecture from when it was a colony and yet intersperses this with beautiful modern buildings in the city's core.  A prominent architectural look is Vietnam's tall, skinny building.  These buildings are the width of a room and often 4 to 6 stories tall. 

On the food side of things, street vendors are ubiquitous and we've come to rely upon a few good tips in order to find the best eateries:

1) Go to the busy ones (duh).

2) Find the ones frequented by women and children.

3) Go where high school/university students go. This will offer you a combination of the best priced, great quality, and most authentic food. And because school uniforms are mandatory these vendors with their student customers are easy to spot.

Preparing for the dinner rush?? lol

Overall, our time in HCMC was pleasant for a big urban city but we were ready to spend some time by the ocean, so with our week coming to a close we pointed our compass northeast to the beachside town of Mui Ne.
-Rhonda & Terry